Hostess Fruit Pies

There’s a whole classification of snacks that I think of as “convenience store food” – namely things I bought on walks to Lil’ Peach in Wakefield when I was a kid and $3 could buy a modest feast of processed junk my mother never would have purchased at Market Basket.  My dream shopping list would have included Bugles, Cheetos, Bubble Tape, grape tonic, slush puppies, candy cigarettes, Corn Nuts…and Hostess Fruit Pies.

You are, of course, familiar with this last one. 

Disgusting, right?  They are basically hard glazed donut crusts filled with artificial fruit flavored gel, and have been around as part of the Hostess family of “desserts” since at least the early 70’s.  Flavors have varied over the years.  The official current selection includes apple, cherry, pineapple, lemon, blackberry, strawberry, peach, and “French apple” (I have no idea what that means but I am picturing the same thing as regular apple, only with the label in cursive and maybe a creamier filling).  There seems to be a difference in flavor availability based on geographical location.  People go nuts trying to track these things down.  I am serious.  There are entire message board threads.

With my adult eyes I can now see what was clearly the best feature of the Hostess Fruit Pie – its mascot from 1973 to 2006.  It (he, really) was an actual fruit pie in a top hat with a cape and wand, and was aptly titled “Fruit Pie the Magician”. 

It never makes sense to me when a food company features the product itself in ads…as in, “Hello, I am a fruit pie only talking and wearing clothing and I want you to eat me.  I sacrifice myself for your eating pleasure!”  It’s especially disturbing in the Perdue chicken ads.  I’d like to see part 2 of those ads, when things get messy.

Fruit Pie the Magician was described by Hostess as the magician who “loves to entertain friends with his wacky magic tricks.  His favorite magic trick is to make Hostess fruit pies appear out of the air.  You always have to keep an eye on the magician or else he may play a trick on you.”  What is there to watch out for if his favorite trick is producing pies in his own likeness for you to eat?  I don’t know what happened in 2006 that made Hostess perform the final trick of making Fruit Pie disappear, but I decided I wanted to make my own version of a hand held pie at home with no trace of the high fructose corn syrup, lard, and artificial flavors of the snack pies of my youth.

Here is what I came up with:

I went with blueberry.  Hostess actually stopped making their pies in blueberry, so these had no real taste-test competition, but they were delicious.  My wonderful step-dad (and enormous blueberry pie fan) Arthur received these as a thank you for helping me with my air conditioner, computer, and probably (definitely) a few other things.  I went to Vermont with some friends for Fourth of July and brought along another batch of blueberry, but also a few with a peach/raspberry filling.  They were also buttery, fruity and delicious.

Making them is easy.  You just need pie dough, fruit, and a little sugar and cornstarch.  Sanding sugar is optional.  Take advantage of summer’s berry crop at your local farmer’s market and make your own.  I bet you could even use jam and make a version that looks more like a “toaster pastry”. 

I should also probably state for the record that I still eat and enjoy Corn Nuts…I just buy the bulk kind at Whole Foods.

25 thoughts on “Hostess Fruit Pies

    • Victor Walker says:

      Only a Complete Morpn would Complain about a Hostess Fruit Pie.
      Only the most narcissistic full of themselves idiot would think they know better than billions of satisfied customers of Hostess Fruit pies
      Signed V.W purchaser of thousands of hostess Fruit Pies

      • Lonnie says:

        Hostess pies are nasty! So grateful I grew up on Hubig’s pies here in NO, LA. Never tried a Hostess pie until Hubig’s burned down.

    • Patricia says:

      I’m Sooo Dad! I Reallt Enjoyed the Hostess Strawberry pies Bring Them back! I use to Buy 5 at a time! Want them back So Heart Broken

      • Substandard Hostess Pie Eater says:

        This article was hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

        You could read the pretentiousness of the author with her snooty attitude towards eating something like this. Only the hoi polloi would bother to sink their teeth into these snacks that are unhealthy and gross on flavor.

        We should be more like the author. Someone who grew up in abject wealth, had the opportunity to have home made food especially when we have all the time in the world to make it!

        So the next time I’m scrambling to get to work and see a Hostess Cherry Pie…I’ll think twice. I’ll think about the shame and guilt of consuming such a product that Aimee here sees as below her. For I, would never want to have Aimee cast judgement upon me for such a crime. No no no. I have learned. Thank You Aimee, for You have opened my eyes and brought me into the light. For now, I will not give into temptation…and I will aim to reach your absolute perfection of humanity.

  1. courtney says:

    fruit pie the magician…..i’m still laughing. only you would pick up on that, aim! i can vouch for your blueberry hand pies….SO delicious. i will give you homemade raspberry jam if you make me my own batch…..

    • Anonymous says:

      OMG Jessica ewww!!!

      Just thinking about your dad eating those pies just makes me want to throw up! How have you not disowned him yet for eating them?

  2. Matthew H. Davidson says:

    Excellent—shared this to my Facebook.

    Now—Hostess Pudding Pies.

    Go on—I dare you.

    Double-dog dare you.

  3. Sierra Hooghkirk says:

    But why did they stop making blueberry, they were the best. Table Top has also stopped making blueberry. Is it a conspiracy against the blueberry? Has it become an offensive fruit? What happened to the antioxidant movement? It’s like when you could find Frankenberry and Count Chocula but Boo Berry was no where in sight. It’s like there’s prejudice against all things Blue. I won’t stand for it!! Down with the blue haters!! I’m a blue lover and not afraid to show it. I’ll eat blue, drink blue and chew blue. Feel free to send me some home made pies.

  4. marshalbazaine says:

    My Mom used to like the French Apple Pie; they came in a medium blue package with a little French tri-color flag on one side. I believe they had cinnamon in with the pie filling. Hard to recall, as this was 50 years ago! Oh, and as to why no blueberry pies by Hostess or Table Top? Same reason Krispy Kreme doesn’t offer them very often — the price of blueberries! Too expensive to sell at the same price as their other pies. Loved them, though, when we could find them. Ditto the peach and the very rare pineapple.

    • Jamie says:

      I loved the French Apple the best as well. You described the package perfectly. The main difference between those and regular Apple was that the French Apple had raisins or black currents in them along with extra cinnamon.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I have been going out on a motorcycle trip all each year for 10 years to different parts of the US and my buddy and I are always looking for different Hostess Pies. It’s become a side gag for us. Love it.

  6. Brewfan130 says:

    I remember eating the Hostess fruit pies as a kid in the 80’s and 90’s and I thought they were great. I hadn’t had one in years and tried one again, it just wasn’t the same. They have definitely changed and not for the better. Like most of these types of snack foods that are terrible for you, it’s probably the removal of trans-fats that has ruined the flavor of people’s favorite snacks.

  7. Sheila says:

    Hello, please bring back the original fruit pies back. This is a concern of ours. We grew up on these pies and would like for the original ones to come back. I haven’t had one since you all discontinue them. It would be very nice to have something back to share with our children as much as we had enjoyed them as kids our selves. Thank you!

  8. Anonymous says:

    I agree with BREWFAN130. Something went wrong about the time they changed into the box packaging instead of the wax paper wrapping. They seemed to get smaller and drier. The crust lost its mouth feel. The filling seems too condensed or dry. Whatever they did, they need to go back. People don’t eat these things for health reasons. They eat them because they taste good. Follow Coke’s example. Just go back and call them “Classic Fruit Pies.”

  9. Nina says:

    I lived Hostess fruit pies. I loved the Blueberry and cherry. I can remember actually seeing the pieces of fruit in the pies. Real cherries and real blueberries. In later years it seemed as if they were what I call “jam pies”. No pieces of fruit just favored jells. I can remember a girl I worked with bought a cherry Hostess pie out of the vending machine. She broke it in half and there was one cherry in each side. Pitiful.

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